Pregnancy Mental Health Break: Let’s Panic!

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Babycenter and Parenting are great for pregnancy deets, but the advice jiujitsu of Let’s Panic is satire of the most necessary kind.

Like these pregnancy sections:

Non-Pregnancy-Related Trivia You Can Discuss with Your Non-Pregnant Friends: Apparently those jerks want to talk about something that’s not the miracle growing inside you.

What to Look For in a Pediatrician: Will you choose the attachment-parenting advocate, or the attachment-loathing automaton?

Who’s Going to Catch That Baby?: Wait—do you even have a birth philosophy?

Or their “Surviving Bed Rest” advice:

You can still be a productive member of society even flat on your back in a dark, stuffy room surrounded by dirty teacups. Where your body has failed you, your mind can now develop new paranoias you never knew existed!

Try to figure out what you did to deserve this: Think back. Was it the time you laughed at your mom’s varicose veins? You definitely did something and the Universe waited until now to punish you.

Chat up telemarketers: After they insist that they cannot ship you any diseased carcasses via the postal service, you can get to talking about more personal matters. Like, “Wouldn’t you haul slabs of limestone to your friend’s bedside? You wouldn’t think that was too much to ask, would you, Shonda?”

Knit all of your baby’s clothing for the next fifteen years: For years, every time your child dresses it will be a reminder of how much you sacrificed so that he might be born. Just let him try and complain that his woolen swim trunks bunch up during pool time at camp. LET HIM TRY.

Build a bed-fort.

Anyway, made me laugh today. Pass it on to your pregnant/new parent friends—especially the ones you wish would lighten up a little.

Laura McClure hosts podcasts, writes the MoJo Mix, and is the new media editor at Mother Jones. Read her investigative feature on lifehacking gurus in the latest issue of Mother Jones.

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SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

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