Sex-Toy Maker Thanks SEALs for Killing Bin Laden

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/3350882457/sizes/o/in/photostream/">US Army</a>/Flickr Commons

For indispensable reporting on the coronavirus crisis, the election, and more, subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily newsletter.


Jessica Wakeman over at The Frisky was kind enough to share this with us:

The world’s number one selling sex toy company, Fleshlight (www.fleshlight.com) [editor’s note: TOTALLY NSFW] has extended their thanks to SEAL Team 6…who conducted one of the bravest missions in American history, forever changing the landscape of the Unites [sic] States of America, and the world.

The company sent the SEAL team a six case of Fleshlight products named “Stealth.” This product is aptly named as it is very concealable and hard to detect…

“We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts,” says Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. “For their courage, and the fact that they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts.”

Oh, they will, Brian. As a Navy and Iraq vet, I can personally vouch for the popularity of your products…and far, far, worse…in the fleet and downrange. General Order 1 (PDF), the overarching conduct code for soldiers deployed in the war zones, forbids porn. But it says nothing about gadgetry. (Mind you, I always wondered about the guys who mail-ordered this stuff from the US while in a war zone. Specifically, I wondered what the postal screeners and package X-rayers thought. Something like, “Hey, as long as it’s not explosive, it’s all good.”)

A Fleshlight, by the way, is pretty much what it sounds like it is. Looks like a flashlight, feels (I was told, by an enthusiastic contractor colleague of mine in Baghdad) like a certain fleshy lady part. If you really want to know what one looks like, here you go. On the company’s website, you can build your own, patterned after specific actresses’ (or your willing loved one’s) fleshy parts, or you can opt for the “alien” toy. Don’t ask.

In any case, the special operators of the armed forces thank you, Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. This totally makes up for losing that $60 million super-stealth helicopter!

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate